hi ^_^

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listening to: Kings of Leon
Maybe I'll update like every other day or something. I'm not sure yet.

Soooo, let's seeeee I have work in an hour and thirty mins. I basically live there now. I'm working full time there so I've there almost everyday. But the good thing is that I'm getting paid a bunches.

My cousin Hicham that lives in London is moving to Holland tomorrow. I am kinda excited for that because, he was visiting here just last week and my mum and him were talking and they agreed that whenever he settles in that I can go visit him in Holland. The thing is the tickets cost about $800, then I need pocket change. What I'm doing is I'm taking 200 from each paycheck and saving it up. So by the time it comes to May I'll have about 2grand. I think it will be plenty. But I was thinking with that money I can go somewhere else. Like backpacking through Europe or something. I really want to go to Iceland. Blah I don't know I want to go everywhere. I'll just wait and see what happens with Holland.

I have a feeling today is going to be really lame, while I am going to be at work everyone in my family are going to be at the lake having a bbq. The weather yesterday was beautiful, except for the wind. It was blowing like crazy. So while they are outside eating, I'll be at work, dealing with stuck up clients. It's going to be SOOO MUCH FUN.


OH man yesterday I went to downtown fortworth with TJ to go eat, while we were walking back to his car, across the street a man covered in a white sheet with fake blood and holding a huge cross on his back was walking around while a lady was preaching about jesus christ, It was the most scariest thing ever. It was the first time I've seen something like that. It was like a show in a way. People walking buy were just laughing at them. At one point a car full of college guys drove by screaming I LOVE SANTA CLAUS it was so random. And I think while the lady was talking ..she said white power. It was hilarious. Man people are so great.

I should start getting ready for work. Yeah I should.

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Soo wow, haha I haven't been on in FOREVER.
How's everybody doing?


Wow, sooo I just finished reading my last blog, and it said I was going into dental hygine and all that sorts of junk. BUT I'm not. I don't know what I'm going to school for. Man, five freakin months I haven't been on. Actually, I did try to log on a couple weeks ago but a friend of mine said that someone hacked onto the site. Well, I'm glad it's back up. This is probably old news for a lot of people.

So I think I'll pick up from right were I left off, or I'll attempt too.

Last blog said school was about to start and blah blah blah stuff like that. Anyways, school was pretty dumb, I met a cool guy named Adam. I doubt I'll talk to him ever again because the only time I did see him was at school. I went to of Montreal concert and it was AMAZING I had so much fun. AND I WENT TO GIRL TALK CONCERT AND IT WAS MORE THAN AMAZING I LOVVVVVVVVVVVED IT. Lets see what else, OH I quit fuckin Alley Cats, I hated that bitch ass place. I am now working at Toni and Guy in the Parks Mall. I love it there, a lot of great people and I see great opportunity there. Um let's see boyfriend wise, I haven't had once since Aaron. I did meet a REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLy great guy his name is TJ, we are best friends now. We have a lot in common and he's just a great guy to be around with. Oh and I went with him the the Girl talk concert. Let's see, friend wise like a said before, TJ and I are friends, um I barely speak to my cousin Rana, and everyone I worked with at Alley Cats. I don't really have a problem with it. Oh in October my parents finalized their divorce, my dad is now engaged to another women who I HATE. I really don't think it's going to last that long. My mom seems like she is taking it well and all that junk. OH I cut my hair SHORTERRRR!!! Blah! Anyways, I think that enough rambling for today.

Here are some pictures.

This is Rana and I at the Texas State Fair.


Adam and I


A video I took at the girl talk concert



Jade, Patty and I at the of Montreal concert




here is me now!!







Anyways, enjoi!

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So, I haven't been on in a while. A lot of changes, not really.

Last time I was on here I was in high school, I'm a graduate from James Martin High school now! I'm starting college in the fall I'm going into dental hygiene.

Wow it's really hard to update 2 months worth of stuff. I have a feeling this is going to be a long one. I'm going to put some pics.

Let's start from the Animal Collective concert. The concert was AMAZING. It was really good.




Me and Ashley!





Those are a couple of pictures from the concert.

The next thing that came up was Farah ( my cousin) getting married, a couple of days before the wedding me and some of my cousins took her out to downtown fort worth for a girls night out.



left to right : houda, sussana, farah, rana, me, patty.

June 29th was Farah's wedding.

Lena and I

I wish I had more pictures on my computer from the wedding but I don't.


During of all of this I was working a crap load, and I was still going out with Aaron.


Fourth of July.

Yeah, around this time Aaron and I broke up and it was all shit. I got a hair cut because I felt like I needed a change.




Yeah, him and I were just both frustrated because of how my culture is and how my mom didn't let me really hang out with him. It got tiring. I really do miss him though. 5 months gone. Oh well, that's life.

Lets see, where am I now. Patty and I went to Tokyo Police Club concert it was one of the most amazing shows ever like...better than Animal Collective >.<

I met up with Jon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I saw him :D He is an amazing guy.

Hmm well for the past 2 weeks I've been hanging out with my family. My cousin Ahmed got married this Saturday. It was nice. I now have like 3rd cousins from Spain.

Last night was the meteor shower. Rana, Patty and I around 1 am went to Joshua, Texas to a the cemtary where my grandpa was buried. We went there to watch the shower. Yeah, I know it's a grave site..but it was AMAZING like it was so cool.

This summer has just been full of work, Aaron, and family. I don't know this summer wasn't my best but it was an alright one.

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listening to: Black Star - Radiohead
mood: Confused.

I'm losing myself.
I'm losing everything.
The only person that I'm not losing is Aaron.
I love him so much. He is one of the most amazing person I've ever met in my life.

My best friend and I aren't even talking as much. I haven't seen her for a month. It's weird. We are growing apart and I don't want that to happen. It makes me really fuckin sad to see that. But I guess thats life and I have to deal with it. I am seeing her though Saturday I'm taking her to a concert. Fuckin Animal Collective I can't fuckin wait because I'm so fuckin excited to see them. Seriously.



I've been really depressed lately and it's all randomly. I can't quite put my finger on why I am. I hate it a lot. I'm getting so stressed with this whole graduation and all my grades. My grades have suffered. Its horrible. And what's even worse is that I don't really care about the grades its just my parents reaction in seeing them. Ahh well. I don't know what I want to do after high school. I know I have time to think about it but, it just seems like everyone else knows what the fuck they are doing.It's really gay.

I'm out of school this Friday. I don't know what my plans are for this summer. I've had many of things thrown at me about going onto vacation but it just seems like it's all talk. Its mostly my parents that are doing the talking.

Prom was the other weekend, it was alright. It was a bit awkward because I went with my friend Jacob and I think he likes me but I have Aaron and so when dancing I had to stay my distance just a bit and not get to close. Towards the end of the night he started getting on my nerves and it was getting late. I left bahama bash early ( that is my schools after prom party) and I went to Aaron's house it was about 4 in the mourning but it was really great. He makes me happy.

As I re-read this I think it's funny how my mind jumps everywhere.

Oh yeah, I'm 18 now. People are so selfish into giving gifts. Fuck them.

I wish life was a bit easier.

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I sometimes hate my mother

I hate how she restricts me from life
I hate how it seems like she is making up excuses using religion as the main focus
I hate the religion
I hate how it doesn't make sense
I hate how it's fuckin gay
I hate how I can't do shit because of it
I hate how I can't live my life to the fullest because of that
I hate how I can't really have a boyfriend or actually hang out with a guy
I hate how I have to lie to my mother so I can actually do that kinds of stuff
I hate how I can't sleep over at my best friends house because of stupid shit
I hate how my parents are over protective
I hate how mother is limiting my fuckin education just because she want's me near
I hate how she thinks I'm still a baby
I hate how she laughs at me when I tell her my dreams in life
I hate my father for being a little dick fuck
I hate my father for being fuckin emotional
I hate my father for being a fuckin douche
I hate my father for screwing a lot of things
I hate secrets that envolve my family
I hate not knowing this shit

I just hate.

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